


Last Christmas, I Gave You My Heart...

by LexiM02



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Christmas Sadness, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, i had a lot of 4am risingwood feels, they break up guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9100465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiM02/pseuds/LexiM02
Summary: Jon and Ryan break up for reasons Jon doesn't understand. A lot of crying and feelings ensue.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, your favourite internet trashpile's laptop is busted, so don't expect a lot of updates too soon. Not sure when it's gonna get fixed so things are gonna slow right down. It's gonna suck but y'know, ya gotta deal. Until recently I was not a big RisingWood shipper but I don't know what happened, and now they're like, my otp. This is angsty and sad as hell, but enjoy it b/c I did. Apologies for any formatting errors or editing issues, my phone sucks for updating on here. Happy Reading!!

Jon sighed deeply. It was the Christmas season, he should have been happy, right? Seeing happy couples sticking their tongues down each other’s throats in the glow of christmas lights did none to brighten holiday cheer. All it did was remind him of his own boyfriend, and how achingly lonely he was after said boyfriend left. Ryan was a person full of christmas cheer, and Jon more begrudgingly tolerated it than enjoyed it. He found that his own apartment looked barren without Ryan letting Christmas vomit all over the place. Jon walked down the snowy street, glaring daggers at the couple in front of him. He remembered when, instead of either of them getting a pair of gloves, they had their hands held together tightly, and their free hand shoved in a pocket. Now Jon had both hands frozen, jammed in his pockets, wishing he had a hand to hold. The streets were busy and loud, filled with people. Jon wished he hadn’t needed to go into town. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered to leave his apartment, but he had to get something for his mom for Christmas and he had put it off for long enough.  
The bag in his hand felt heavy as he trudged home. It held the smallest and most simplistic of gifts, but it felt like he was carrying a bag of bricks as he walked through the snowy residential streets. The snow wouldn’t last, of course, this was Austin, but it was nice to see a little bit of snow on the ground. It wasn’t quite as nice, though, to see warm homes lit up with Christmas lights. Why were the holidays so goddamned lonely? Was Ryan really the catalyst for Christmas cheer in their house? The answer was a resounding yes as he opened the door to his apartment and walked inside to an empty room. God, not even his dog seemed happy enough to come to the door in her typical excited fashion. Bella apathetically trailed out of the bedroom. Her ears perked up at his arrival, but she quickly walked on. As he walked into the living room, he touched the wall, the spot with the dent in it from a lamp’s base, the night of the break up. Jon stood, lightly touching the dent, as he remembered that all of this was his fault, he was never good with emotions and he knew full well that Ryan had been slipping through his fingers for a while now, something he could never get a hold on for more than a month and Jon knew what Ryan meant when he said “we need to talk.” It wasn’t anything good. Jon’s throat had hurt so bad the next morning from all the yelling, the pleading screams, the please-don’t-leave-I-love-yous. The declarations of “I can change” and “we can make this work” lost in an onslaught of tears and strangled noises that Jon could barely force out of his throat. He remembered how, since he had never really felt love before, he thought he was insane, this was different, this was what all those shitty B-list teen movies went on and on about. It was a whirlwind and it was terrifying yet liberating, all at the same time.  
That was love, and Jon was stuck falling for a boy he could never have. Not now, not then, never. Two of a kind, different things on their minds, it was a desperate, down and dirty tale of love and heartbreak. Jon was still so incredibly in love with Ryan and he didn’t know what to do.  
Jon found himself walking outside again, this time in nothing but jeanz and a hoodie, out to their shared space, a little trail not too far from their apartment. They shared morning jogs out here every week when they were together, and Jon remembered that up on the hillier part, they stole away in the night, and Jon would tell Ryan how the stars shining this bright reminded him of how blinding the California sun was.  
Jon couldn’t look at the stars anymore, they made him wonder where Ryan was. Stars up on heaven’s boulevard, and if he knew Ryan, he had gone too far.  
It had started here. They first met on this trail, Jon, with his iced-out heart, the boy who just read death, brooding and sad, out walking with cold eyes and an even colder heart, and Ryan, the flash of gold so bright that Jon had to close his eyes no matter how much he still wanted to look, the softness and warmth of climbing into a freshly-made bed on a cold day, surrounded in comfort.  
It had ended because there was still love in Jon’s heart, tucked away softly in some strange space he had never been acquainted with properly, a place where he thought nobody could find it, and Ryan, with his stubbornness, nearly tore it out of him. Jon remembered the days where they would just lie in bed, or on the couch, curled together, and he finally understood what all those sappy, useless stories were talking about when they described the warm, almost gooey feeling in his chest.  
“It was supposed to be you and me,” Jon thought, trudging through the streets. “But, y’know, who ever thought it would end well?”  
Jon stood at the foot of the trail, and looked down to the spot he first met Ryan. Jon sighed. Reliving old memories was a stupid idea. Good god, he was pathetic. Ryan wasn’t the be all, end all of life. It really felt like he was, though. If not the be all, end all, a very important part of it. Jon walked along the snowy trail where he and Ryan had gone on so many early morning jogs, smiling and stealing kisses. So many good memories were had on this trail. Who knew a stretch of land could be so important? Jon sighed, kicking a pile of snow piled up by a tree, just because he could. Then he saw he had done the dumbest thing possible when he saw that he had just kicked snow onto a tree that had JR+RH carved into it. Of course. Jon had forgotten that they had walked down here on their first date, and Ryan had insisted upon carving their initials into it, because "it's the most romantic way to show you I have a knife." They stood there laughing for a good minute at Ryan's justification for assaulting a tree with a pocketknife. Jon knelt down and brushed snow off of the spot that was etched roughly into the tree bark. He didn't see who was cresting the hill ahead of him, he was lost in his own sentimental memories.  
"Jon?"  
Jon nearly leapt out of his skin. That voice was familiar. He turned to face the source of his pain for the last six months. Ryan. He looked better, somehow.  
"Ryan?"  
"That'd be me, what're you doing out here in jeans and a hoodie?"  
Jon stayed silent. Six months of crying over Ryan had passed, and it didn't hurt any less.  
"Just out for a walk, you know."  
"If you say so. Little cold out, isn't it?"  
"Nah."  
Jon spotted somebody cresting the hill behind Ryan. That mass of curls, the freckles, dimpled smile...  
Jon knew that Ryan and Michael were too close to just be friends. Ryan had said there was someone else when they broke up...had it been Michael? Had he been upstaged by an angry Jersey asshole with the personality of a wet spoon? Jon felt anger and jealousy surge through his veins. On what planet was Michael better than him?  
Jon went a touch red as Ryan kissed Michael's forehead and pulled him closer, like he used to when he was with Jon.  
"I should let you go, you probably have stuff to do, but I'll see you at work, right?"  
Of course he had to work at the same place his ex did. He had taken two weeks off for Christmas, hoping not to have to see Ryan again, but fat chance that was.  
"Right." Jon answered, bitterly. Ryan paid it no mind and continued on with Michael.  
Jon went back to his apartment, freezing cold and completely numb. He didn't know how to feel and he really didn't want to.  
Christmas passed in a lonely apartment, with Jon staying in, going nowhere, and sitting on the couch with Bella, wishing he had Ryan back. He never would, but he could hope, after all.  
Hope hadn't done him any good up to this point, but that was all he had.


End file.
